FUCK OFF.just shut up already.
imandrea
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Name: Andrea
Country: United States
State: New Jersey
Birthday: 6/4/1986
Gender: Female


Interests: Coffee.
Expertise: punching you in the face.
Occupation: Student


Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM: Returntheroses


Member Since: 9/29/2004

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Thursday, March 12, 2009

I feel like I am going to graduate without a particular set of skills that will make me appealing to the job market. I hate my major. I'm considering going to work full time, and going to school part time instead to keep me sane. Just wait till I suggest this to my mother. Oh, the meltdowns we will share. FML.


Monday, February 16, 2009

Million dollar baby is the most depressing movie in the whole world.

Tonight I wanted to see my boyfriend. I didn't go there. He did not come here. I felt to drained to go anywhere. I was embarrassed to be so tired. Afraid he would think I'm lazy. Tell me I need to exercise. Tell me I shouldn't put cream in my coffee. Tell me to quit smoking. I am embarrassed. I feel bad about myself. I don't feel pretty. I feel embarrassed to cry about it. I feel like everything I do will make him angry. Or I feel guilty- or embarrassed. I don't want to feel like this anymore.

My therapist asked me if I thought I was depressed. I told her that everyone gets sad sometimes, and that I don't think I'm more sad than the average person. I think I lied a little. My family is falling apart. My boyfriend said that this is completely normal. Whenever he says that I want to throw up. This is not normal. My brother doesn't want much to do with us. I got into a fight with my dad about attempting to control his uncontrollable behavior. I get into fights with my mom about whether or not my own dad wants anything to do with me. I think that's ridiculous. I think my life is ridiculous. Fabulous and ridiculous. and I don't give a shit what anyone thinks about it. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ME. I only care about what I think about myself, and I'm not even sure what that is.



Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I have a new friend, her name is Penny. She makes me really think hard about my life. I say things to her that are so honest. I didn't have to stretch the truth or reach for a little white lie. To her, I just say what I have to say. Then, she puts things in perspective. No bologna.

Today I admitted some things out loud that I didn't know really bothered me that much. Things about my family and myself...I don't know. It's really surprising how much you reveal to complete strangers. This stranger has made me honest. I wonder how long I can keep this up.

I'm such a bitch sometimes. Worst part is- I don't even care. I really could care less. This bitter attitude that I have sometimes- I wonder if it makes me a little depressed. Either I'm this mothering mush, or completely merciless. (ask my sister. she'll let you know how much of a jerk off I can be. Talk to my roommates. they'll tell you the complete opposite.)

Oh man. so much goings on.


Thursday, February 05, 2009

I d

I don't like:

people who exaggerate, when my coffee spills immediately after I put cream and sugar in it, when the power goes out while watching 9 to 5, the best movie ever, when I break a nail, when people put shit in their eyes to be funny, deadlines, when people exaggerate, when I need new brake pads and oil change and collision repair, when homeless people steal my cell phone, when I see people being overly dramatic (depressing) when I don't get x amount of kisses in a day, when snow gets under my gloves and burns my skin, when I forget to mail out the electric bill, and when people exaggerate, when the gumbas fight, when I don't get a return phone call, when people call me too early in the morning, when I can't match my socks, when I see old people hanging out by themselves (it makes me cry like no other), and scrunchies. also tapered pants. and bad sneakers and open toed chunky strappy sandals.       and back hair.       that's it. I think.

I like:

My dog, good dates, ice cream, how I feel after I work out (forget I just said that), How big my butt is, when my room is clean, when I have a cup of hot tea in my hands, when my hair is done, when my friends are around, which they always usually are, when I don't have to work on the weekends and I can stay in bed with my boo, making pancakes, when my living room is vacuumed, springtime in the market, when mom and dad and tom come to visit, manicures....aaaaaaand....snow days. also when there are no deadlines and I can spend a day doing something random like going to PAWS and playing with all the dogs. (Captain Morgan. where are you.)


Wednesday, February 04, 2009

I'm working on managing my time and anxiety about time management. Basically, I get super anxious about deadlines and making social plans to the point where I don't do anything at all. It's just really not doing me any good. I'm absent from the social scene, and any instance where I have to punch a clock, including work, I get super stressed out and wind up at work a half hour early just to make sure I'm on time. I'm so afraid I'll never be on time. My heart beats so fast, I get really nervous and I can't do it anymore. I need some help. So I'm gonna go get some.

Stresses include:

Tests
Papers
My Senior Project: because I really don't like my major, which also stresses me out.
Finances
Getting to work on time
Cleaning my house
Exercise

Thats terrible.



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